I Resolve to Be...

Brave! This year is going to be like no other in my life, and in order to keep myself out of the mental hospital or in an endless bag of Doritos, I am going to have to be brave. I’m going to resist freaking out, no matter what happens with Mark's job. I am not so much afraid of this new place in our life as I am of all of the stuff that has to take place as a result of what may happen. I am going to remember that people have gone through what we are about to go through a million, trillion different times throughout history. I will be calm, cool, and collected. I will exude strength and level-headedness. People will start calling my hairdo “The Brave.” There will be a petition to change the last line of the national anthem to the “land of the free and the home of the Jennifer.” (Of course, I will graciously plead with the persisters to fight global warming instead.) The point is that I’m going to be brave.

The Reason

Something that struck my mind & heart at some point in our Church Christmas program today was that all of this...the miraculous conception, the birth in a barn, the manger for a bed, the new star in the sky, the perfect life, the atonement for the sins of all mankind, the death and resurrection...really happened. It's not just a great story (although it is a great story!) It really and truly happened, to real people. Yes, a long time ago. But it really happened. A poor, pregnant woman really did have to give birth in a barn. Jesus Christ really did live a perfect life, never committing sin. And he really did give up his life for us. And then the best part - he really was resurrected and lives again. Really. It really happened. Wow. And because of that, all things are possible. I love this scripture in 2 Peter 1:16:

"For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty." In other words, these are not just neat stories that we're telling you. They're real. And although I'm not a eyewitness, like Peter was, I am a witness - because I do have faith that it's real - and it really happened. And with that, I wish you a Merry Christmas!

The photo is of my very dear friend Martha and her baby boy Dallin taken at the Nativity production in 2007.

Busy Picking Strawberries in December

I have received a few comments, either in person or by email regarding the absence of new posts. I have started many, many posts about birthdays, Thanksgiving, my parents' visit, holiday parties and performances, inspiring talks at church, etc. but have not completed a ONE!!! Casting frustration aside, I offer some insight and then I am penciling some time into my schedule - probably New Year's Eve - to play catch up. Each post will be posted with its original date, so you may have to do some scrolling. Enjoy, and then check back later to learn why so few posts, who am I kidding, NO posts have been completed and shared in the last 5! weeks.

The other day I was watching a devotional talk on BYU TV as I did the usual...simultaneously clean house, do laundry, play with the little ones, clean food off the floor, kiss a booboo or two, pay the bills, make the beds. Okay, so maybe I wasn't watching, I was listening and rewinding repeatedly...Anyway, the speaker talked about last winter and how her grandchildren came over on a snowy day and built the biggest snowman she'd ever seen - absolutely HUGE! And in the coming days and weeks it continued to snow, and snow, and snow some more...so that eventually, the drifts covered the snowman and he disappeared entirely. But. A few months later she was picking strawberries in her yard, right there where those massive snowdrifts had been months before. Her point? Seasons change. Our lives change. Whether we want them to or not, they are going to change. My season right now seems to consist mostly of running. Not the mind-cleansing, jogging kind, but running to catch up, only to fall behind all over again. Don't get me wrong I love, love, love being busy and running and doing. And everyone knows that shirking housework and avoiding laundry and finding reasons not to cook are practically artforms for me, but eventually, the dishes have to be put away, the laundry has to be folded, and it would be great to feed my family a meal thoughtfully prepared by me with love, not angst to move on to the next task. So I'm reminding myself. These moments are wonderful. Most of the time, my daily duties and seeing the world through my children's eyes are like picking strawberries, but sometimes it can feel like standing in a snowdrift. So, I am trying to appreciate it and enjoy it. I am getting good at cleaning entire rooms by picking things up with my toes as I fold laundry or dust. I'm figuring out how to pay attention to the moments that count while dismissing the list of would've, should've, could'ves that often plays in my head. Like usual. And for the first time in my life I feel the need to remind myself that this is a good season. A really good season. And right around the corner? Another season. A different season. Hopefully another good season. But if not...another season will be coming along right after it. And eventually, I'll be picking strawberries...

Grace in your Face!

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.

~ Henry Ward Beecher

As Thanksgiving is approaching, I have began to reflect on my own personal graciousness (or lack thereof!) I am married to probably the most gracious person I have ever met in my whole entire life. Like, totally! Seriously! I know I make fun, but it is only to make light of how inept I really feel when compared to this esteeming quality he so easily possesses. I stand in awe of his gentle, sincere gratitude; the sweet graciousness that guides and directs his life, his soul. In my search to become more gracious, Mark and I had the following conversation...

J: I wish I were more gracious, but I always feel on the spot or unprepared. Grace, not the I-can-dance-like-a-ballerina kind but the other kind, just doesn't come naturally for me.

M: I think you are a very gracious person. (He went off on a tangent naming other admirable qualities I possess, but are too embarrassing in a modest sort of way to mention.)

J: But I am not!

M: Yes, you are.

J: No, really I don't think I am.

M: Okay, now is when you say 'Thank you!'"

J: See! Case in point. (did I mention, I often HAVE! to have the last word, too.)

I Just Gotta Say...

…that I’m very proud to be an American today. I hope you are too, no matter who you voted for yesterday. I woke up with a similar feeling to the one I had in the days following September 11, 2001. I am sobered by the challenges that lie ahead, but filled with an overwhelming sense of hope that we are capable of the task if we all work together on common ground. I truly believe that there is more that unites us in this country than divides us. One more thought. To the credit of both candidates, I don’t believe this election was about race. My skin is white. In the winter, buried under the layers of my warm clothes, it is pasty white. And for that fact alone, my American experience for the last thirty years came with a set of advantages and opportunities that I will never be able to count or comprehend. And I acknowledge that for generations, the American experience for people born without white skin came with a set of disadvantages and limitations that they were forced to comprehend all too well. I believe that yesterday a man was elected president of the United States on the content of his character and not the color of his skin. Whether you voted for him or not, we all deserve congratulations for participating in a historical election that was not about race but by default will impact the previous advantages, disadvantages, opportunities and limitations once defined by race. That alone is cause to celebrate!!! I wanted to say something funny here (as I am holding back the tears for the um-teenth time today), to wrap things up and to remind us all not to take ourselves too seriously, but I’m coming up blank (who knew?). I’m just too busy being proud to be an American today.

Spiritual Perspective.

Before church this morning, I was thinking how great it would be to start making a profoundly spiritual post to my blog each and every Sunday. I have a few times in the past, but I want to express this fervent side of me and share my testimony more often. So, I was sitting in sacrament meeting today and was wanting to take away something really illuminating to share on the blog. I was focused on focusing, listening, learning. Instead, I found myself hushing and shushing, getting books out, putting books away, feeding Cheerios, eating Cheerios, cleaning Cheerios, one potty break, one crying baby exit, etc. I was struggling to just begin to write something, anything spiritually driven. I decided procrastination was the best answer, and maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will hold more enlightenment.

Now that it is Monday, today's blogging purpose is to finish yesterday's post. Instead I chose to catch up on everyone else's blogs I read, when I stumbled upon a blog belonging to a very dear, childhood friend, Kasia, the Diana to my Anne of sorts. I will talk more about her later, for now I will finish this post. While catching up on the last I-can't-bear-to-think-of-how-many years, I came across this entry in her blog and it epitomized every emotion I was feeling and conjured the solution for which I searched. She was discussing Lehi's vision of The Tree of Life as told in 1 Nephi 8, and says Lehi PARTOOK of the fruit of the tree of life and it filled his soul with exceedingly great joy [while] many of the people simply TASTED of the fruit and they were ashamed and fell away and were lost. SO...What is the difference between partaking and tasting? Tasting refers to getting acquainted with or maybe testing the flavor of something; whereas, partaking means to share in something or to take part in something. I reflect on this a lot in my life, because I feel that I can easily get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. I really want to be a partaker of God's greatest gift. I don't want to just taste of it. I really want to *share in* and *take part in* eternal life with my family and with God.

Our Family Date Night

WaterFire Columbus is becoming one of the most exciting art exhibits in Central Ohio. I know that may sound like a stretch, but I have always been mesmerized by fire. The magnificent array of bonfires was first established on the three rivers of downtown Providence, Rhode Island in 1997. In downtown Columbus, the flames reflect on the waters of the Scioto (sigh-oh-tuh) River. This was the last fire for the season and was held simultaneously with the Riverfront Arts Festival (kind of like Mayfest for all you Okies.) We had a great time walking through the different tents of vendors, had a few laughs with the artists, and contemplated buying several things only for Mark to say, "why buy it, when you can do that?" A few of our favorites: Chuck Wimmer, his art candidly illustrates the literary playfulness of words. Click on his name to check out his work. You will not be the same afterwards. Susan Kline, she uses children's playing cards with her personal info stickered to the back as business cards. Mark randomly chose a card with a chef on it from the stack. Her pop art is modern whimsy, something I would love in our home. Jennifer Li, whose story was so inspirational, not to mention, her hand made glass beads left Jillian spellbound. And last but certainly not least, Kimberly Erb. Her impressionism is unremarkable--beautiful, poetic romanticism in paint. Tina if you are reading this...she does custom work. I told her about Cricket and she said that she would give you the 30% show price if you would like a portrait - just mention the Riverfront Arts Festival in Columbus.

Ghoul's Night

SO...Tuesday night Megan, Becky, Kelly, and I decided that we need, need, NEED (okay, its a want) a mandatory, monthly girls night. Since September is halfway over, how cool would this be for October. I am loving the black lipstick, the spray painted skulls, and the silver-sparkly everything. The website even offers an "evite" template. Check it out and get more ideas here.

Who. Are. You?

When I started blogging, I was hoping to create a virtual scrapbook for all of our out of town family. I couldn't really imagine that anyone would check in on my blog very often except my family and a few friends. I was tinkering with the idea of going "private" or not, so I installed a site meter just to see who was popping in from time to time. This allows me to see who is visiting, how they found my blog, how long they stay, etc. Boy, was I surprised when I started getting hits from places uninhabited by people I know. I will never fully understand, why some people have found my crazy little life interesting, but I have recently noticed that several people are repeat visitors, but I don't know who they are. This leads me to my next question...

Are you a CLOSET Blog Stalker? Do you check in on my site frequently but never leave me a comment letting me know who you are? If so, please, please, PLEASE leave me a comment! If you find our lives interesting enough to stop by on a regular basis and check things out, then I want to get to know you too! And if you have a blog, then we can stalk each other. ;O) Scandelous, isn't it?

SHOW MAMA SOME LOVE PEOPLE!!!

The Known and The Unknown.

She goes from one addiction to another. All are ways for her to not feel her feelings.

~ Ellen Burstyn

I had a very interesting conversation with my younger sister again today. I don't know where to begin. I don't know the answers. I don't know how this happened. I don't know how to feel. I don't know when she lost her light. I don't know why she chose this. I don't know why she is so angry. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to her, to my parents, to my family, to myself. This is what I do know. Addiction touches everyone. Addiction never goes away - it is transferred or replaced. Addiction hurts everyone not just the addict and the pain is often unbearable. Addiction is selfish. Addiction is thoughtless. Addiction is rogue. Addiction is ruthless. Addiction is deceit. Addiction is not cured; it is managed. Recovery is not about blame. Recovery doesn't allow excuses. Recovery requires honesty. Recovery demands self reflection. She has a greater probability of short term relapse than long term sobriety. She has to be honest. She has to want for better. She knows better. She has experienced better. She has a choice. She is strong. She can beat this.

Nesting Family

I am absolutely in love with this idea. How cute would this be for Christmas gifts? Every year each family subunit creates a homemade gift for all the other subunits. We could paint and decorate them like each family member. In addition, I have been looking for a way to decorate the top of the armoire for summer. As domesticated as it sounds, I have a different display for just about every season and holiday - except summer and back to school (which is definitely a holiday in our house.) How cute would this be to paint our family in their swimsuits. Bonus: Cellulite is not included. Get yours here.

Nine Eleven

It has been said that 9/11 will be remembered in the same respect as the assaination of JFK, the day the Challenger exploded upon takeoff, and/or the bombing of the Murrah building in Oklahoma City. Everyone remembers where they were, what they were doing, and the emotion that resonated. So, here is my story...I had just moved to Ohio; only 10 days under my belt. My mom made the journey with me and stayed for those ten days to help unpack and get settled. She flew home on 9/10. Nine eleven was my first day on my own. I felt like only what I could imagine a deer caught in headlights might feel. I had been on my own before but the 900 mile distance between me and what I had always known as home made this feel like the first time. Brendan awoke at 9:00 on the dot. I made him a quick bowl of cereal, popped a bagel in the toaster, and attempted to find some cartoons. I wanted a shower and needed to find a job. The TV had only been on for seconds when the second plane crashed into the second tower. I remember Charles Gibson saying this can't be an accident. I was spellbound and all I could think was, "here I am embarking on this new journey, a time that was meant for happiness, yet the whole world is falling apart around me." What is your story? Click on the comment button below and let me know.

It's Friday. I'm in Love.

I had this song in my head all day long today...One of my favorites from my Cure days. Enjoy!

~

I don't care if Monday's blue, Tuesday's grey, and Wednesday too. Thursday I don't care about you. It's Friday, I'm in love. Monday you can fall apart. Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart. Oh, Thursday doesn't even start. It's Friday, I'm in love. Saturday, wait. And Sunday always comes too late. But Friday, never hesitate. I don't care if Mondays black. Tuesday, Wednesday - heart attack. Thursday, never looking back. It's Friday, I'm in love. Monday, you can hold your head. Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed. Or Thursday - watch the walls instead. It's Friday, I'm in love. Saturday, wait. And Sunday always comes too late. But Friday, never hesitate. Dressed up to the eyes. It's a wonderful surprise. To see your shoes and your spirits rise. Throwing out your frown. And just smiling at the sound. And as sleek as a shriek. Spinning round and round. Always take a big bite. It's such a gorgeous sight. To see you eat in the middle of the night. You can never get enough. Enough of this stuff. It's Friday, I'm in love. I don't care if Monday's blue. Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too. Thursday I don't care about you. It's Friday, I'm in love. Monday you can fall apart. Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart. Thursday doesn't even start. It's Friday I'm in love. ~ The Cure

Five Things...

...I Can't Live Without

1. My Family. I love, love, LOVE my family. The one I have helped to create, the one I chose, and the one with I was stuck. Though we may not always agree or, at times, even be on speaking terms, I will always love my family and want the best for every leaf on our tree - no matter what.

2. Forgiveness. I truly believe it is the key to humanity. It is what separates us from all other creatures on this Earth. I have probably received more than I have given, but with both always comes the promise to be better, to do better.

3. Dental Floss. I can't, absolutely can not, sleep without flossing my teeth. I only wish I was more diligent in flossing my children's teeth. Something about having my fingers in a screaming, resistant child's mouth. At least they get another set by the time they are able to take care of them by themselves. Good thing for those baby teeth.

4. A DVR. I honestly do not know how we ever survived without this. My life is so busy, the simple luxury of being able to record my favorite shows or pause a show to take a phone call is just that--a luxury. The only down side - sometimes in the car I find myself reaching for the rewind button on the radio because I didn't hear something for all the noise in the backseat. Oh, I how I wish my radio had a rewind button.

5. My Spirituality. Last, but certainly not least is my faith in Jesus Christ. I love my Savior and I know that His sacrifices are my rewards. I could not imagine this life without knowing my purpose, receiving eternal blessings, or feeling His love.

Enjoyment

Jillian was coming down off her birthday high and had one of her crankiest days of all time today! She woke up on the wrong side of the bed and it was downhill from there. Needless to say, I was beyond eager to get her into bed tonight. As she took her bath I was hustling around the house spraying Lysol and trying to get things situated so that once she was in bed, I could just relax. I popped my head in to see if she was ready to get out - but she wasn't. So I started to rush off to continue doing who-knows-what (oh, I know - laundry, I am always doing laundry) when she gestured toward the toilet and hit me with..."Mom! Can't you just sit down and enjoy me?" Well goodness gracious. Who could turn down an offer like that? Especially since I hadn't "enjoyed" her all day long. So I plopped down and she told me about her mermaid and the magical, wish-granting cove under the sea. It was nice just to sit and be with her for a couple of minutes, I wish terribly it were longer, but somethings always comes up. When Brendan is in school, a few times a month Jillian, Karigan, and I have PJ days. Days that are spent in our PJs, doing whatever comes to our minds: dance, color, sing, paint, or sometimes a good cuddle and a book. Some may see this as slothful laziness because the rules are no cleaning, no errands, no phone calls, just the pure simple pleasure of my daughters' company and the fleeting chance to see the world through their eyes. We didn't have any of these days this summer, maybe once, but my memory is fuzzy, so it couldn't have been... And maybe, just maybe, Jillian has been missing these days. Goodness knows my mind has been consumed by more overwhelming matters than it is used too lately, but why is it so hard for me to just "sit down and enjoy" the little ones in my life that mean so much to me? I feel like I'm constantly rushing from one thing to the next and I never just stop and BE with them. My kids will be grown sooner than I might like. I need to "sit down and enjoy" them more. I have to remember tomorrow is not promised to anyone. The past doesn't come back and tomorrow may not come at all. Today is all we have. And so for the rest of my days and especially tomorrow, I will sit down and enjoy my kids. Or at least, I will really, really, REALLY try!

Politics As Usual?

I CAN'T STAND IT!! I can't stand the way that our country is divided. I mean people are seething with hatred towards each other depending on which way they vote. As soon as anyone gives a speech or makes a political statement, a swarm of vultures fly in, ripping them to shreds. Republicans and Democrats are so divided it's no wonder that we are at war. GOOD GRIEF people, we are at WAR with ourselves right here! It makes me crazy and as I try to stay abreast of the bigger issues, I'm just not sure what is the plain truth anymore. I am tired of skewed images and playground name calling. All I want are the facts. Who can give me that? Anyone? A solid source I have found is DividedWeFail.org. Check it out. The important thing come election day is that you have done your research, that your vote is cast for a candidate that is going to build a better tomorrow, that supports the morals you stand for, and is eager to protect the American you love and strive for the America you want. So close your eyes on election day, be blind to race and gender, and be armed with the knowledge of how whomever you choose is going to work for YOU. After all, we are the ones who hire them.

God's Cake

Sometimes we wonder, 'What did I do to deserve this?' or 'What more can go wrong?' Here is a wonderful explanation, an email sent by a dear friend of mine. How could she have known I was in need of a little perspective...

A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack. The daughter replies, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."

With a smile her mother offers, "Here, have some cooking oil."

"Yuck," says her daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"

"Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Mom, those are all disgusting!"

To which the mother replies, "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!"

Our Heavenly Father works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But He knows that when He puts these things all in HIS order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina

Today is the third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. I remain humbled by the resilience of those who fought to get their lives back after the extreme devastation of the storm and angry over the current condition of the area.

"A few years ago there was a shining moment in that struggle. It seemed as if there was a real promise of hope for the poor -- both black and white -- through the poverty program. There were experiments, hopes, new beginnings. Then came the buildup in Vietnam, and I watched this program broken and eviscerated, as if it were some idle political plaything of a society gone mad on war, and I knew that America would never invest the necessary funds or energies in rehabilitation of its poor so long as adventures like Vietnam continued to draw men and skills and money like some demonic destructive suction tube. So, I was increasingly compelled to see the war as an enemy of the poor and to attack it as such." ~~ Martin Luther King, Jr. 1967

The Olympics

Okay, so maybe this post should be titled The Ultimate Tear Fest because that is all I do when I watch the Olympics - cry, cry, cry. Like. A. Baby. Even as a young girl, I remember crying as Mary Lou Retton scored a perfect 10 on the vault and crying as Jackie Joyner Kersee repeatedly broke world track records. This year, the floodgates have yet to close as there have been so many proud moments for our country, the Olympians, and their families. Why the tears? Every time I hear our national anthem and see the victorious smiles on the athletes face, I feel their pride, I sense their accomplishment, and I can't help but think that each person is there because somebody believed in them -- somebody saw in them what he or she didn't even see in themselves. And that is sooo powerful to me. So, the tears come, and I can't stop them. There is no point in trying to hide them, so the tears come.

Mom-cation

Some people go on vacations, some people have stacations, I have mommycations!

Definition: achievement of simultaneous naps without a mommy to do list. TGIF!